Dealing with a runner

Life Without Hands

Years of Frustration:

Amaya is 13 going on 14 she's severely autistic and one of her challenges, or should I say my challenges is her ability to be able to run. By run I'm meaning soon as her hand is let go she's off.. Where to? Is unknown.. She'll just keep running, once in a while she'll stop and look back at me and with mocking laughter continue to run again. Sometimes I'll feel like Alice in Wonderland trying to catch up with the rabbit. Many times we have tried to earn her independence by letting go of her hand and letting Amaya help me push the cart at the store. Not once has that worked out well. After years and years of this game you get used to not having any free hands, it's a life style. You can't shake anyone's hand,because most likely both hands are full, one with the hand of the runner and the other hand with most likely a bribe or "reinforcement" of some kind. I gave up on carrying cell phones around, it's been too much temptation to let go of that hand with the need to see who's calling or texting. Then it got to the point where I was no longer able to pay for the things I needed, Amaya would take that moment to yank and run, we stopped taking her to the store alone ,she was getting too big, too strong and too fast. My husband and I had a breaking point.

Breaking point:

 One day at Walmart she yanked free of my husband's hand and ran off, he stayed with the cart full of groceries to pay knowing the sooner we got out of there the better. So I ran after Amaya. Isle after Isle of mocking laughter echoed throughout the store, I would find her in one isle and she would already be at the next laughing at me. Finally we reached the wine isle. I paused at the end of the isle careful not to move, knowing that with one slight movement she was going to knock all of the wine bottles down. My face red and body tense ,staring at her frenzied and desperately. It felt like hours of having this stare down. A guy walked up behind her. "Can you just grab her hand" I asked desperately. He gave me a blank stare, by that time Amaya took advantage of my preoccupation and ran to the soda isle.Thankfully She ran straight into some guy, in shock by touching another human that she did not know I quickly took advantage and pounced. Eventually I got to the car where my husband had just finished loading with groceries. I guess it wasn't as long as the moment had felt.

The Solution:

When we got home I quickly got into action looking online but could not find other parents in the same boat. It was lonely and frustrating. I took step away had some coffee and prayed. Just then a little light bulb popped over my head, and remembered back to a time where she had a toddler harness. I started looking for harnesses online after not having any luck on Amazon or EBay I googled Adult Harnesses. There I found http://www.childharness.ca/ 

This was an answer to my prayers, and answer to 13 yrs of not being able to use my hands, anxieties of Amaya running off. Ordering was not as easy as I imagined, guess that's how it always goes when dealing with autism, sometimes it can be as unpredictable as it is predictable. My husband (Hans) and I had to figure a way to measure Amaya and for some reason she has a phobia of measuring tape.  For about a week Hans and I tried all sorts of ways to measure that  girl. Eventually after another step back and another prayer, our last attempt worked. During Amaya's nightly ritual of changing she was groggy enough to be measured without a battle.

When ordering I found out that that the harnesses are adjustable and that's why the measurements where so important. That means Amaya will be able to where it into adulthood! Another amazing factor was the accessories. We decided to get a waist attachment so Hans and I could be completely hands free!

The Moment of Truth:

Amaya's harness came quicker than we imagined and to be honest we didn't have a game plan on how we where going to introduce this into her life.
"Amaya" I said, "Do you want to go for a walk?"  " Eeeheh squeal" meaning yes. "We have to put this on you if you want to take a walk." " Eeeehh."  Which I assume meant "ok, just do it." After getting the harness on, we took a step back to admire Elaine's  work. "The woman is a genius" I stated.. Amaya loved the way it felt, the way it made her feel secure and hugged, and for my husband and myself to know that it was made so she couldn't breakaway no matter how hard she tried. Tears streaming down my face, I put my sunglasses on and we took our first hands free walk.

It's unbelievable how such a small thing can make such an impact on our lives, Amaya at times still likes to hold my hand, but there's a big different now, it's her holding my hand vs. me holding hers which gives me a warm feeling that my daughter wants to make physical contact. I can now take her places that has seemed like an impossibility for years. Drowning, running into the forest into traffic, and yes knocking down the wine bottles at Walmart was once a thing in the past.
 People will look at us sometimes comment, or question why Amaya is wearing a harness. But people have been looking and questioning for years without the harness. One thing that I have learned is there will always be judgmental people who either are afraid of what they don't know, or think they know everything. Having these challenges everyday for 13 years has been a blessing on my character. I've become immune to embarrassment, not caring what other people think,making decisions based on my experience, heart, and Gods hints. Every small achievement to make Amaya's life; safer, easier, and happier gives me a feeling that only a care giver could ever receive.

Dealing with autism diagnoses (a mothers view)

 

Embracing Autism

 

 

 

Many of us are told what to look out for and that early diagnoses is recommended. But where not really told as parents what happens or what to expect to feel when our children are diagnosed.



When you just don't have a clue:

 

Amaya at the time was 5. She was pretty late being diagnosed.  Embarrassingly enough I was working with autistic children. Amaya had gone in for her yearly wellness check. The Dr. looked at me and said, "I'm going to refer you to a physiatrist, Amaya needs to get evaluated, she's not progressing." I remember having to wait a good 3 months after she had been scheduled for an appointment. It was a long nerve racking wait. Questions like, what is wrong with my daughter? Why can't she talk? Why isn't she potty trained? Is it something I did? Did I not teach her well enough? What are they going to tell me?

 

Hearing a diagnoses for the first time:

 

The day came for her appointment. I was so exited yet nervous at the same time. Chasing after Amaya the whole time in the waiting room hoping that the doctor would call us in at any minute. He finally did. After 10 min. of being in his room and answering a couple questions he came up with the diagnoses that would change her life and my life. Autism.

Everything had made sense after that sudden word. That's the reason she had been so colicky as a baby, why she didn't like to be hugged or didn't make eye contact, why I couldn't potty train her, why she wasn't talking. The list went on a part of me felt relieved. "she'll be able to be potty trained and talk" I stated. "That's not necessarily true" the doctor had told me. "you see not only are females rarely diagnosed but when they are in allot of cases they tend to have more severe cases." "Oh" my heart sank. The realization of never seeing her get married, driving, hugging me, making eye contact tore at me. I realized I was being selfish, these are things I wanted her to do to make myself look better. I left the appointment and went to work. Coming into work with tears in my eyes and co-workers anxiously awaiting to hear what happened I told them of her diagnoses. The rest of the shift I watched one of the clients with Asperger's in a new light. He talked, he said his opinion he was potty trained. How could two people with the same diagnoses be so different?

Then back to self blame. Was it because I didn't get her diagnosed early enough? Was this clients mom a better mom than me? Will Amaya end up in an institution at 10 also?

 

 

 

 

The Power of Love:

 

It has been about 9 years since Amaya's diagnoses and her whole life of being autistic.

Amaya has come along ways, tho one thing that will be learned from any parent or caregiver of a person who has autism is that every little step is a huge jump. She makes eye contact, lets me know when she wants something, makes choices here and there, Has told me she loves me and sometimes on a very special Amaya occasion hugs me. Amaya is full of life and the majority of the time happy. During these years I've learned more about patience, understanding, life and God. Sometimes something may appear to be unfair and cruel, but ends up being a blessing in disguise. Realizing now that Amaya will do things in her own time and if she doesn't that's ok. My best advice for anyone going through an autism diagnoses for their child or loved one is to just love them and try to think from their point of view.