Dealing with autism diagnoses (a mothers view)

 

Embracing Autism

 

 

 

Many of us are told what to look out for and that early diagnoses is recommended. But where not really told as parents what happens or what to expect to feel when our children are diagnosed.



When you just don't have a clue:

 

Amaya at the time was 5. She was pretty late being diagnosed.  Embarrassingly enough I was working with autistic children. Amaya had gone in for her yearly wellness check. The Dr. looked at me and said, "I'm going to refer you to a physiatrist, Amaya needs to get evaluated, she's not progressing." I remember having to wait a good 3 months after she had been scheduled for an appointment. It was a long nerve racking wait. Questions like, what is wrong with my daughter? Why can't she talk? Why isn't she potty trained? Is it something I did? Did I not teach her well enough? What are they going to tell me?

 

Hearing a diagnoses for the first time:

 

The day came for her appointment. I was so exited yet nervous at the same time. Chasing after Amaya the whole time in the waiting room hoping that the doctor would call us in at any minute. He finally did. After 10 min. of being in his room and answering a couple questions he came up with the diagnoses that would change her life and my life. Autism.

Everything had made sense after that sudden word. That's the reason she had been so colicky as a baby, why she didn't like to be hugged or didn't make eye contact, why I couldn't potty train her, why she wasn't talking. The list went on a part of me felt relieved. "she'll be able to be potty trained and talk" I stated. "That's not necessarily true" the doctor had told me. "you see not only are females rarely diagnosed but when they are in allot of cases they tend to have more severe cases." "Oh" my heart sank. The realization of never seeing her get married, driving, hugging me, making eye contact tore at me. I realized I was being selfish, these are things I wanted her to do to make myself look better. I left the appointment and went to work. Coming into work with tears in my eyes and co-workers anxiously awaiting to hear what happened I told them of her diagnoses. The rest of the shift I watched one of the clients with Asperger's in a new light. He talked, he said his opinion he was potty trained. How could two people with the same diagnoses be so different?

Then back to self blame. Was it because I didn't get her diagnosed early enough? Was this clients mom a better mom than me? Will Amaya end up in an institution at 10 also?

 

 

 

 

The Power of Love:

 

It has been about 9 years since Amaya's diagnoses and her whole life of being autistic.

Amaya has come along ways, tho one thing that will be learned from any parent or caregiver of a person who has autism is that every little step is a huge jump. She makes eye contact, lets me know when she wants something, makes choices here and there, Has told me she loves me and sometimes on a very special Amaya occasion hugs me. Amaya is full of life and the majority of the time happy. During these years I've learned more about patience, understanding, life and God. Sometimes something may appear to be unfair and cruel, but ends up being a blessing in disguise. Realizing now that Amaya will do things in her own time and if she doesn't that's ok. My best advice for anyone going through an autism diagnoses for their child or loved one is to just love them and try to think from their point of view.